The Billiken's Bluff

I took a long and occasionally epic road trip to Reynoso, Mexico. I learned quite a few things during my week in Mexico and the 32 hours going and the 32 hours coming back.

First, the US South is a strange place. I always assumed this, but never having been further South than Washington DC (Florida excluded), I could not confirm this suspicion. I was in for a lot of shocking and aweing.

-My first encounter with the South came in a West Virginia gas Station around 2 AM.
GAS STATION ATTENDANT #1: "How ya'll Fellars doing?"
ME: "Splendid."

People do speak with Southern accents. It was refreshing, warm, earnest, and drawling.

-Our next stop was in Chatanooga, Tennessee at the ungodly hour of 5 AM. For some reason I decided to buy the local newspaper, to see what was good in the hood. (The newspaper has a seperate sections for both NASCAR and Religion. That is what's good.)
GAS STATION ATTENDANT #2: "I see you got yesterday's news there."
ME: "Oh no it's today's paper. See Saturday."
GAS STATION ATTENDANT #2: "Correct...which has yesterday's news in it."
ME: "Hmph."

Apparently sarcasm isn't dead. I was caught with my defenses down. Don't let the accents fool you, sarcasm is alive and well in the South.

-At 8 AM we stopped in Montgomery, Alabama at the Waffle House. There was a bit of a language barrier problem when ordering. I ordered hash browns and scrambled eggs, and received grits and a fried egg. Anyway, one of the other patrons, wearing an American flag bandana, struck up a conversation.
PATRON: "Ya'll in a band?"
ME: "Nope."
PATRON: "Well ya'll look like you been staying up all night watching a band."
ME: "Long trip, lot's of driving."
PATRON: "Yea i write the songs that you live your life to."
ME: "Is that so?"
PATRON: "Ya'll know Steve Miller Band? I wrote 'These Days'" (Breaks into song)

He then proceeded to pay for his meal at the registering, informing the waitress that this was the worst Waffle House that he ever ate in, and asked for the restaurant's number so he could file a complaint. And yet, despite his drunken belligerence, he managed to keep things civil by saying to the waitress.
PATRON: "Thank you kindly."

You simply don't see those type of manners in the North.

I found out it's a whole other country down there, and that's before I even got into Mexico. One thing that made the long hours on the highways enjoyable were the billboards. They completely show up any fancy hi-tech NYC Times Sqaure Billboards. Once I get my camera developed I'll post some pics, but here are a few of my favorites.

1. "Need Directions?"
-God
2. "Think it's hot here?" (As we were driving through Corpus Christi)
-God
3. "Vaginal Rejuvenation" (Your guess is as good as mine. But it sounds like the gift that keeps on giving.)

4. "24 Hour Nude Bar BYOB"

5. "A Law firm that specializes in personal injuries from dogs." (en espanol)

They are just so clever, and if you know me, the one thing I respect is clever.

Some other gems of knowledge that I was blessed with on my Odyssey.

-Trucker hats are worn just as prevalently in the South as they are in NYC, however they are not worn ironically, in fact that are worn quite seriously.

-If you ever find yourself in Reynoso, Mexico and you want to go to the club called Bar Rio, make sure you leave a healthy pause between the two words, so as not to be misinterpreted as barrio. Mexicans really do not take kindly to Americans asking directions to the barrio.

-If you think baby blue tinted eye glasses and butterfly knives are mutually exclusive, you simply do not understand Latin Macho Culture.

All of this will be illuminated once I post the pictures.