The Billiken's Bluff

I was looking at the title line of Billiken's Bluff and I feel as if I may not be living up to the mission statement that I set out for this blog. I haven't discussed Andre 3000 even once on this site, and yet this post here will be my second (in two days no less) about Born Again Christians. Sorry Possum Jenkins, but I just seem to be running into more fanatical Christians these days than I know what to do with.

It was a beautiful day at Union Square Park. I was reading and enjoying the weather, when a group of 15 high school aged kids in matching t-shirts, started to set up a Prayer Station .



Two girls approached a homeless man sitting next to me and asked him if he'd like a lunch. Sure he would, but there's a catch. He had to answer a few survey questions. Sounds innocent enough right? Anything in the name of scienific inquiry.

1. Is God playing a larger role in your life today than He was 5 years ago?

2. Is there a Church, Temple, or Synogogue that you regularly attend? If yes, then which one?

3. Do you pray at least once a day?

4. If you were to die today do you think you would go to Heaven?

5. And finally if you had to stand before God today and he asked you what is the reason that I should let you into Heaven, What would you say to Him?

The homeless man answered the questions. For the final question he responded, that God would let him into Heaven because he has tried his best to live a good life. The young street evangelists responded, fine but what do you do on a daily basis to try to get into heaven? Do you perform selfless deeds like helping old women across the street?

Keep in mind that this man was homeless, and looked to be about 65 years old . He was in no position to help anyway across a street. This went back and forth for a bit. They gave him the sandwich. I could tell it was my turn.

I wasn't really in the mood to be grilled with questions (it was a nice day out). But they asked if I could just fill out the survey. I said fine. I answered Yes to the first four questions, thinking that I was being fairly honest. I also figured it would cause a minimum of debate if I gave them the answers they wanted to hear. But that last question wasn't so easy. It wasn't a yes/no, true/false question. I had to come up with something to say to God. Something that would get me past the pearly gates, or at the very least make God chuckle. I tried to think of what Woody Allen or Christopher Walken might say if they were posed the same question. I was drawing a blank. Nothing funny, clever, or poignant. And then a flash of inspiration from none other than Lucacris...

5. And finally if you had to stand before God today and he asked you what is the reason that I should let you into Heaven, What would you say to Him?

I'd say MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY, GET OUT THE WAY, MOVE.

Now I wouldn't seriously say that to God. I would definately address him respectfully, and would actually would welcome the opportunity to talk with him. But I just wanted to get a rise out of these girls, you know, for shits and giggles.

This was one of those tests where the teacher grades you on the spot. So these two girls, who couldn't have been older than 17, looked over my answers. They didn't try to debate me on #5, my answer was pretty cut and dry. They said if I wanted any information, or just wanted to pray with them I should just stop by the Prayer Station.

Oh but wait there's more. A gentleman in a gold colored suit and green leather shoes tried to hand me a flyer for Due Amici Pizzeria. I declined. He stopped by the Prayer Station with the pizza flyers. I return to my book. A few minutes later I heard someone rapping. I look over at the Prayer Station and Mr. Gold Suit and Green Shoes is busting a little freestyle about Jesus Christ, all while one of the street evangelists films him on her camcorder. Good God almighty.



Again I'm reminded of a line from Talib Kweli's new album. "Feeling like you have to sneak into Heaven, when the Reverend look like the Pimp, and the Pimp look like the Reverend." Talib is proving to be very prophetic in describing my daily encoutners with Christianity.

I'll keep you guys posted on Talib, the Prayer Station, and Aaron's Bible Megasite.