The Billiken's Bluff

You too may be asking this question in the near future. A research team at the University of Illinois is working on turning pig manure into a crude form of oil. The conversion process uses intense heat and pressure to break down the molecular structure of manure into oil. It's like the natural process that turns organic matter into oil over centuries, but in the laboratory the process can take as little as a half-hour.

Apparently this is not as far-fetched as it sounds. A similar process is being used at a plant in Carthage, Mo., where tons of turkey entrails, feathers, fat and grease from a nearby Butterball turkey plant are converted into a light crude oil.

This is a real interesting and exciting form of renewable energy. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't see it coming. I was thinking more along the lines of solar powered cars. But the benefits of pig manure energy could be even greater than simply a new form of renewable energy. In fact I think these pigs could diffuse one of the most contentious situations in the world today. Pig manure is an issue that both Palestinians and Israelis can unite on. Both Judaism and Islam have strict dietary edicts prohibiting pork because it is an unclean animal. If the US is able to perfect this pig manure process and starts churning out barrels to fuel factories, cars, and airplanes I could see the Muslims and the Jews joining forces against the unclean, unholy, pig-pumping USA. They might come to realize that they're not so different after all and America is the one that has been stinking up the globe. I guess I'm just a dreamer.

But if what my sister tells me is true Spain is the country that could stand to lose the most. She says all they eat over there is pork. And if pigs turn out to be a rich source of energy, how long will it be before we decide to launch Operation Spanish Freedom? Sending in troops, along with Halliburton. I just hope they leave Mallorca alone! It's too pretty for all that nonsense.