The Billiken's Bluff

There's been a lot of controversy lately surrounding the alleged demise of the Bluff, America's fastest-growing news source. Lots of little birdies have been yapping about the lack of updates and new articles on the site. It's been causing me much anxiety in recent days because I wanna see Billiken becoming even greater than it currently is. So last night, with the controversy weighing heavily upon my mind, I decided to get to the heart of the matter.

In the wee hours of the morning, I wandered out into the courtyard of venerable Carlyle Court, the birthplace of the Billiken child. A thunderstorm above was raining a torrential downpour upon me as I searched for a way to save the Bluff.



Suddenly, a small Billiken emerged from the bushes and greeted me.



Billiken: Hello, Dr. Zwill.

Zwilliken: Wow, a real, live Billiken! I can't believe my eyes. I always thought that you were a mythical creature, but here you stand.

B: Fear not, my child. I've come to help. You, Rico, N-Dot and of course Gotim have done much to educate the public. Your egalitarian meritocracy is to be admired for its fair and balanced stance on issues of the day. However, things have changed quite a bit in the last few weeks. News is breaking all around the globe, yet Billiken has gone untouched for many days at a time.

Z: Yeah, it's tough, Billi. The school year is over and we're all real busy. We're all working a lot and we don't always have internet access at home. Keeping the Bluff updated all the time is harder than it seems.

B: True, true Zwill. But you can't let that stop you. Billiken's possibilities are endless. With you four fools on the case, there's no telling how many hits Billiken can get. Word on the street is that Matt Drudge is starting to worry about you guys. Apparently, his site has received much less traffic in the few months since Billiken was founded.



Z: Wow, that's amazing. I had no idea how many people relied on Billiken to get their day started.

B: Well now you know. And with this knowledge, you must vow to make Billiken all that it can be. Keep the people informed of what's going on in the world. They need you and you need them. And never fear, because I'll always be looking out for you guys.

Z: Thanks a lot Billi. I'll never forget what you said.

B: Do me proud. I know you will.


After the Billiken disappeared into the night, I stood in the rain for a little longer and looked up at Carlyle Court, the center of the Billiken Universe.



At that moment, I realized that, despite infrequent updates or rambling articles, the Billiken's Bluff will live on forever in the hearts and minds of Americans. I realized that the spirit and soul of Billiken is one of free expression and open-mindedness, and that will never change. I realized that the naysayers had deluded me into thinking that Billiken was in grave danger of becoming irrelevant, when in reality, its foundation has never been stronger. Rumors of our demise have been greatly exaggerated. As long as Billi is looking after us, the Billiken's Bluff has nothing to fear.