The Billiken's Bluff

There’s a hole in my soul...

Despite my most fervent beliefs that most of my college peers are complete idiots, now and then they choose to surprise me. And so it was last week that on the warmest and sunniest day we’ve had in a long-ass time, one of them began a rather unusual debate: Is there such a thing as a soul?

Let’s get a little background, first and foremost. Andrew, the best goalie Fairfield Soccer has had in recent years, and a renowned pot aficionado, lives for controversial opinions. It doesn’t matter what your stance is- his is usually the extreme opposite, and he won’t rest until you have changed your mind and tattooed it on your derriere. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking to him, and am ceaselessly amazed by the intelligent and even profound ideas he has. But when I’m lying in the sun outside my building and trying to de-albino myself, his wisdom is not my cup of tea.

I’m getting off track. So Andrew begins arguing that none of us have a soul, and really that the idea of a soul is illogical at best. His strongest argument, he felt, was that there was no way to pinpoint when the soul began. He started by establishing that we all buy into the Theory of Evolution, and not a Creationist belief. This involved a little audience participation. Mind you, his audience was drunk and well on their way to nasty sunburns, so most people just answered “Do you have to talk about serious shit now? It’s Friday and the sun is out, shut the hell up.” Those that did respond agreed that this was most likely the true explanation. With that foundation, he stated that if all creatures, including humans, evolved from sludge, at what point did we develop souls? At what point did the soul just happen to work in there? It isn’t, he said, something that can be measured or pinpointed. At what point during our conception does our soul form within us? And if God was involved, when did he decide to “pimp our rides,” if you will? Why didn’t the sludge have a soul? Why don’t trees have souls?

His other main argument, if I followed it correctly, involved substance abuse. If we have souls, then why are our emotions, personalities, attitudes and beliefs all altered when under the influence of alcohol or drugs? The soul is supposedly an indelible and unchangeable part of who we are- how, then, can it be warped so easily (and so quickly)? There are not, he concluded, two separate parts to each of us- body and soul. “There is no two-fold Malone... there is just one woman who chemically is different from all other creatures.” Those differences are not attributed to some “soul” I might possess- they occur as a twist of fate and genetics.

I offered my own arguments to Andrew on each point he made, and a few he didn’t. What I am much more interested in is what everyone else thinks about it. You’re not going to change my mind, and you sure as hell won’t change his, but the little Billi smiles on enlightenment and argument, so post away... you soulless bastards.