The Billiken's Bluff

I don't want people to get the impression that all I do is hate on this blog, but there is no way around it, I hate Fox baseball announcer, Tim McCarver.



There are many bad professional sports announcers who both AWood and I have commented on, but Tim McCarver certainly takes the proverbial cake. McCarver does the color commentary for Fox's Saturday afternoon game of the week, while Joe Buck (another absolute nimrod) handles the play-by-play. McCarver often gets credit for his specific, scientific approach to analyzing the game of baseball. A fan may often hear McCarver put forth such overwrought predictions as-

"On the next pitch Randy Johnson will throw an inside fastball, Chipper Jones will get jammed and break his bat, weakly grounding the ball to shortstop, because not only does Johnson have a good four-seam fastball, but the shipment of oak bats that the Braves received from Guatemala on Tuesday are more brittle than normal because of an ongoing drought in Southwestern Central America coupled with a strike at the baseball bat factory in Chiquimulilla." Or something to this effect. The man does his research. On Saturday, this dynamic duo of Buck and McCarver covered the much-hyped annual Mets-Yankees Subway series.

It was the late innings of a game that was already decided. The Mets had a 9-3 lead and McCarver decided to wax scientifically. Mike Piazza was at the plate and McCarver decided to bring up the much rehashed topic of the 2000 Mets-Yankees game where Piazza was hit in the head by a Roger Clemens' fastball. Clemens, a notorious head-hunter, was accused of recklessly throwing a 95 mph fastball at Piazza's head. It added fuel to the Mets-Yankees rivalry. But that was 4 years ago, Clemens is now playing in Houston, and everyone has moved on. Except McCarver. McCarver recalled the fateful evening in June 2000. I paraphrase-

'The game that Piazza got hit in the head, was the second half of a day/night double header. Piazza had caught the first game. He was out in the heat so, naturally, he was tired. Between games what a player will usually do is have a small meal, a light snack. Now in the second game of the double header Piazza was playing as DH. Now because he played catcher in the first game and ate a meal before the second, he was probably feeling a bit sluggish. So when Clemens threw the fastball high and inside Piazza was unable to get out of the way of it. On any other day Piazza would have been able to duck out of the way of the 95 mph fastball, but because of the between game meal and the heat of the afternoon game he was unable to do so."

This is a interesting theory, and a new way to assign fault in seemingly cut and dry cases. Following McCarver's logic the reason Nicole Brown Simpson was stabbed to death was because she had too many Fig Newtons after lunch and was thus too slow and sluggish to move out of the way of O.J's knife. Any other day of the week she would have been nimble enough to duck out of the way.

But I have another theory. McCarver is a pedantic jackass. A verbose baseball bobblehead.



My fondest memory of Tim McCarver is when Neon Deion Sanders sprayed him with champagne during the post-game celebration when the Braves won the World Series.

I realize baseball is slower than some of the other professional sports. There is a significant amount of down time that the announcer, specifically the color commentator, has to fill in. But, Buck and McCarver are like listening to static. However, I'll give McCarver the benefit of the doubt and chalk his asinine comments up to a bad hot dog he ate in the broadcast booth.