The Billiken's Bluff

There's a storm brewin' in New York City that I think may have been flying under the radar over these past few hectic election weeks. Let's go the map!



People, it looks like we're seeing a pretty strong cold-feelings front moving in from the liberal east coast that's going to merge with some hot air rhetoric from Anti-Bushocrats on the west coast. Now that looks like it has a possibility of mixing with some electoral college results over the swing states, where there's already a chance of some pretty heavy Republican voting participation. With this happening in high-pressure areas over states like Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida, it could mean some nasty weather conditions for the rest of the country.

Right now I'm seeing a 65% chance of riots in New York.

Where am I getting this weather forecast from if not from the friendly folks who do weather on Fox News? Well, Elizabeth Edwards for one made a rather telling comment this weekend that I think we at Billiken should consider for a second. Now I've always kind of liked the vice-presidential hopeful's wife, thinking she seemed pleasant enough in her plump and jolly, well-fed rich lawyer's wife kind of way, so I'm not going to harp on the woman too much here (though I did begin to have second thoughts when Missus Edwards, the corpulent ying to John Edwards' yang, alleged out of nowhere that Dick and Lynn Cheney were ashamed of their daughter for being a lesbian - but forget that for a second). About this comment, I think the woman makes a point that we may have been ignoring.



So what did Edwards Donuthands have to say that caught NDot's attention? Well, when a supporter expressed concern that riots may break in Pennsylvania after the election, she said

Liz Edwards: Uh.....well...not if we win.

Not if we win, eh? As long as we all vote Anti-Bushocrat in this election, says team Kedwards, everything will be all right and we won't have to worry about the bullhorns, burnings, bongos and other silliness that will inevitably accompany the rabid malcontents if they spill back out into the streets. One is inclined to agree; given even the travesty that would be electing an insufferable fake and traitor to the White House in a place of an actual leader, conservatives would be more likely to take their painful loss quietly and keep their discontent indoors.

But if Dubya secures another win? Well, you hadn't thought about that have you, Manhattan-dwelling Billiken readers. But you know there's nothing the ABs like better than a protest-riot party, and in what is sure to be a tight election they have the perfect excuse. With only 8 days until the election, I guarantee you the most ardent Anti-Bushocrat orcs have already gone on a bathing strike in order to maximize pungency when their bitter, repellent odor wafts into Union Square. Dreads are being prepared. T-shirt slogans revamped. Effigys are in construction. Armpits across America are going unshaved.

Torches? Bricks? Weapons? These are the variables in post election 2004 hysteria. It would be patently unfair for me to associate impending violence and destruction automatically with Anti-Bushocrats who are going to righteously pissed but want only to be heard (and smelled). But I see enough anger out there on my Anti-Bushocrat Emotional Weathermap to put up a storm warning. These are the people, remember, who destroyed property and lashed out at NYPD in midtown in the weeks after 9/11 to protest the WTO meeting. Should the president win reelection, I for one see a thin line forming between the ABs who deserve our mocking and a mob that deserves our reckoning. Most likely they'll do their usual routine: Union Square will reek for a few days and there will be minor property damages will be the norm. Or, there could be an all-out Anti-Bushocrat fiasco that makes Gangs of New York look like a toddler's temper tantrum. All NDot is saying is be on your guard.



As we are located north of Union Square, my boss suggested we don't show up for work on November 3rd if the man wins, suspecting the worst. Could be unnecessary, alarmist even - but NDot will take that day off anytime. You can find me in Union Square with a fat Bush-Cheney T-shirt and a hammer in an undisclosed location.