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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Mo Money, Mo Problems 

The NBA has only been underway for two and a half weeks but the freakshow that is professional basketball is already in full force. In these few short weeks, the league has already experienced numerous bizzare incidents with some of its top stars. First, during training camp, Denver Nuggets star forward Carmelo Anthony was stopped and detained at Denver International Airport after just under an ounce of marijuana was found in his backpack. Unfazed, 'Melo pulled out the oldest excuse in the book, claiming that the pot wasn't his. Anthony even went as far as to have his buddy James Cunningham sign an affidavit stating that he left the herbs in Carmelo's bag while the player was out of town. After a month of speculation, the charges against the Nugget were dropped yesterday since the prosecution didn't believe that they could get a conviction after Cunningham said that the pot was his. We'll never know whether or not the weed was actually Carmelo's but if his terrible shooting this year means anything, I don't think there's much doubt that something is clouding 'Melo's depth perception.




Another big story at the end of training camp was Latrell Sprewell's contract dispute with the Minnesota Timberwolves, which has turned into a typical, bitter battle between the choke artist and management. The Wolves forward, who is under contract for this season only (at $14.6 million), has been seeking a contract extension and has not been impressed by the club's offers. After a round of unsuccessful negotiations, Sprewell claimed that he would demand a trade if he wasn't signed to an extension before the beginning of the regular season. During an interview, Sprewell questioned why he should even make an effort to help the team win when they refuse to give him what he wants. Nevermind the fact that he's under contract for the season.

Then came the line that has already become legendary. The line that made everyone's jaw drop. The sort of line that people like me will download and listen to over and over again because it's just that funny. The line that is now in the pantheon of great sports lines such as "We talkin bout practice???" from Allen Iverson, "You play to win the game!" from Herm Edwards and "I wanna kiss you," from an inebriated Joe Namath.

"Why would I want to help them win a title?" Spree began. "They're not doing anything for me. I've got a lot at risk here. I've got my family to feed." That's right, Spree's got a family to feed.
And $14.6MM just doesn't go as far as it used to, you know. Appropriately enough, Latrell is off to his worst start ever and has career lows in points (12), assists (2.5), rebounds (2.2) and steals (0.5). At this rate, he'll be lucky if he's even in the NBA next year with numbers that bad.

Last year's big story in the NBA was Kobe Bryant's rape trial. That wrapped up last summer, resulting in the dismissal of all charges against the Lakers guard. In the court of public opinion though, Kobe seems to have lost the battle. Once considered a model citizen and wholesome family man, much of the media and public has turned on Kobe this year. With Shaq gone, Kobe has little help on the Laker roster and is expected to singlehandedly guide the Lakeshow to the playoffs. The burden of these expectations might be too much for the introverted star but Kobe's currently 2nd in the league in scoring behind only Lebron James. The Lakers are 4-4 though and the weight of these expectations is growing. The moody Kobe has no room for error because there are millions of people just waiting for him to slip up.



Kobe's an altarboy when compared to the league's biggest headcase, the one and only Ron Artest. In previous years, RonRon has led the league in technicals and ejections, smashed video monitors, smashed pictures of himself, started numerous fights and various other absurd acts. My favorite Ron Artest moment occurred during a team shootaround prior to a game a few years ago. After a teammate missed a shot, the rebound rolled to Mr. Artest across the court. The teammate asked Ron to help him out and throw the ball back to him. Ron's response was to pick up the ball and boot it into the crowd. Quite a guy.

Two weeks ago, the Pacers suspended their star forward for two games for an unspecified reason. Coach Rick Carlisle's statement claimed that Artest was suspended for conduct that "comprised the integrity of the team." Whatever that means. Within a couple of days, the full story came out in the press. According to Artest, he asked for a few days off at the beginning of the season because he was very fatigued after months of promoting his debut rap album during the summer. And no, I didn't make this up.

In response to Artest's request, Carlisle granted Artest his wish and gave him two games to rest his aching bones and prepare for the rest of the season. Nevermind that the Queensbridge native is only 25 years old. Nevermind that he's making $30 million over the next four years. Nevermind that the season was only a week old at the time. Artest needed a rest from the always-grueling album promotion schedule. What planet is he living on?

Actually, Ron has been a bit of an inspiration to me. I was sitting idly at work this afternoon when my boss approached me and asked me what I was doing. "Nothing today, boss," I responded. "I'm just too tired right now to focus. I had a crazy night out last night. Three shots of Jaeger, tequila, beer, four bong hits, man. Boy I'll tell ya, I could really use a few days to recoup and get my head back in the game." Surprisingly, my boss was cool with it. "OK, no problem, Zwillinger. Here's $500 and my car keys. Head over to the Hustler Club and drop my car off when you're feeling recharged. Also, take my tickets to the Giants game this weekend, they're on the 50 about four rows off the field. I'll see you on Monday. Feel better!" I couldn't thank him enough but I couldn't help but think that Ronny deserved just as much of the credit for my great weekend as he did. He inspired my incredibly selfish act. I only hope he can have the same effect on each and every one of us.
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