The Billiken's Bluff

The NBA all-ogre squad put together by Jesse Lamovsky over at ThePhatThree.com

Here is a sampling for all of you who are too lazy to click on the link.

Popeye Jones



Postion: Forward
College: Murray State '92
NBA: 1993 - 2004
Teams: Dallas, Toronto, Boston, Denver, Washington, Golden State

Ugliness Rating: 9.9

Now, I understand that between the ears, Popeye Jones is probably more or less of normal intelligence. To the best of my knowledge, he functions normally in society; can write a check, drive a car, change his own clothes, that kind of thing. But I see this picture, and quite frankly, it's hard to believe he isn't somehow mentally impaired in some way. It's unkind to say, but it's true. The poor guy- not poor, actually, just ugly- guy just has so much shape to his head. He looks kind of like a Slow Mutant from Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series.


Jake Tsakalidis



Position: Center
College: N/A Greece '00
NBA: 2000 - Present
Teams: Phoenix, Memphis

Ugliness Rating: 9.5

In certain parts of Eastern Europe, Jake Tsakalidis is an absolute stud. A zillion drachmas says he's the Rick Derris of Thessaloniki. Put him in a full-length leather coat, throw some gold chains around his neck, and Tsakalidis is capable of bedding a very large chunk of the available woman in the former Soviet Bloc, not because he's rich and has access to vodka, cigarettes and bread, but because the Ivankas and Svetlanas over there think he's plan old 'hot'. No proof of this; just a feeling. The teeth probably don't hurt him either.