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Monday, May 02, 2005
A Desperate White House Wife
WASHINGTON - Nailing her status as the most popular of the Bush clan - and funniest First Lady - Laura Bush stunned and delighted partygoers Saturday night with a wicked and bawdy roast of her husband.
While not profane, Bush's comedy routine could have been cribbed from a "South Park" episode, and it ambushed thousands of journalists at the annual White House Correspondents' Association bash, who probably had low expectations.
But in the space of a few minutes, Bush made history with a delicious skewering of her four years inside the bubble.
Some of her memorable one-liners...
-George always says he's delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He's usually in bed by now. I'm not kidding. I said to him the other day, "George, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later."
-Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I'm watching "Desperate Housewives" - with Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I AM a desperate housewife. I mean, if those women on that show think they're desperate, they oughta be with George.
-It's always very interesting to see how the ranch air invigorates people ... when Vice President Cheney was down, he got up early one morning, he put on his hiking boots and he went on a brisk, 20- to 30-foot walk.
-People often wonder what my mother-in-law's really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly, Aunt Bea type. She's actually more like, mmm, Don Corleone.
-I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse.
-I was a librarian who spent 12 hours a day in the library and yet somehow I met George.
George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chain saw - which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well.
And my personal favorite...
George and I are complete opposites - I'm quiet, he's talkative; I'm introverted, he's extroverted; I can pronounce nuclear ...
[Via NY Daily News]
|
While not profane, Bush's comedy routine could have been cribbed from a "South Park" episode, and it ambushed thousands of journalists at the annual White House Correspondents' Association bash, who probably had low expectations.
But in the space of a few minutes, Bush made history with a delicious skewering of her four years inside the bubble.
Some of her memorable one-liners...
-George always says he's delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He's usually in bed by now. I'm not kidding. I said to him the other day, "George, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later."
-Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I'm watching "Desperate Housewives" - with Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I AM a desperate housewife. I mean, if those women on that show think they're desperate, they oughta be with George.
-It's always very interesting to see how the ranch air invigorates people ... when Vice President Cheney was down, he got up early one morning, he put on his hiking boots and he went on a brisk, 20- to 30-foot walk.
-People often wonder what my mother-in-law's really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly, Aunt Bea type. She's actually more like, mmm, Don Corleone.
-I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse.
-I was a librarian who spent 12 hours a day in the library and yet somehow I met George.
George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chain saw - which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well.
And my personal favorite...
George and I are complete opposites - I'm quiet, he's talkative; I'm introverted, he's extroverted; I can pronounce nuclear ...
[Via NY Daily News]
