The Billiken's Bluff

I'll admit the Republicans did have some bad luck. Their convention started only one day after the MTV Video Music Awards took place in Miami. With so many celebrities nursing hang-overs, it is understandable that the G.O.P. finds themselves lacking in celebrity star power this week.

Or maybe they simply do not want any celebrity endorsements. Maybe the G.O.P. feels like N. Dot in regards to Hollywood's A-List Celebrities. Maybe that is why they decided to go another route entirely, shunning Hollywood's top talent and instead courting such B-level stars as Stephen Baldwin and Ron Silver.


Much like Teddy Roosevelt, Stephen Speaks Softly and Carry a Big Stick

Stephen Baldwin, who you may remember from such reality shows as Celebrity Fear Factor and Celebrity Mole, is referred to by the G.O.P. as the good Baldwin, Alec being the evil, liberal Baldwin. In a CNN interview Stephen revealed that he isn't concerned with specifics when it comes to George W. Bush and his policies. Stephen supports Bush because he is the candidate who most clearly displays a strong faith in God. (A very important quality for a presidential candidate to have in a secular nation founded on a clear distinction between church and state!!!)

And then there is Ron Silver who spoke at last night's RNC opening night festivities. In the days leading up to the convention, conservative pundits were crying foul, claiming there was some big liberal media conspiracy because network television had decided not to televise the opening night of the RNC. They had Ron Silver speaking on the opening night... Ron Silver!!! The man looked insane, like a Central American dictator, like Al Pacino bursting into flames and sprouting horns in The Devil's Advocate.


Quick name one movie Ron Silver has starred in. (Trick question, Ron has never starred in a movie.)

Of course the Republicans did have the always reliable Don King making the rounds at the convention.



But things are looking up for ten-gallon hat troupe, the always charismatic Arnold Schwarzenegger, takes the stage tonight for what promises to be a speech filled with memorable quotes. However, the G.O.P. speech writers must be careful not to let Arnold's oratory abilities and broken English overshadow the eloquent speech Bush is sure to deliver.