The Billiken's Bluff

[179th & Hillside Ave.]

PAPOOSE

This lyrically adept hip hopper sounds equal parts like Big L and Jay Z which is about as big a compliment as you can hope to get here on Billiken.

But despite the fact that he sounds like the (true) best of both worlds, Jay Z and Big L. A partnership made famous during their 7-Minute Freestyle. Big L memorably instructing the ladies in his life that, "we could never be a couple hun, f*ck love, all I got for chicks is hard d*ck and bubble gum." And Jay Z rhyming and providing me with an example of the literary device called a zeugyma that I studied in a Literary Interpretation Course, "I rock the Heavens well even if I don't make it into Heaven I'll raise hell til it's heaven." But I digress. Anyway, Papoose is good. Nearly on their level.

His song "Charades" (Hip Hop Police) is interesting. Papoose raps over the beat of Nas' "Somehow I Believe We'll Always Survive." It's witty, clever. He calls some rappers to task, he calls out some law enforcement officials, and he takes a shot at a recording industry that profits off of the violence in hip hop culture. It is certainly one of the better hip hop tracks I've heard in the past few months.

But I just can't get past this guy's name. Papoose. [pronounced PREPOSTEROUSLY] Not scaring too many people with a name like Papoose. Sounds like something you try to get in the back seat of your car after prom.

Yo son my girl wouldn't give me any papoose, what a prude!!

Or...

Damnnnnnn look at the papoose on that chick, what a scorcher!!!

I googled Papoose and this what I came up with:



So if the question you are asking is:

What's really hood?

The answer is certainly not the monicker Papoose.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what exactly is a papoose?

N Dot says,

"Its the little pouch thingy that native americans and eskimos carry pack their youngins in to carry around on their backs."



That it is.

Via Drudge-

BUSH ASKS ABOUT 'SPLASH DAY'

President Bush raised eyebrows on Tuesday when he asked locals in Galveston, Texas: "Do you still have Splash Day?"

"Splash Day" is the annual "adult oriented enormous beach party" celebration on the Gulf Coast.

BUSH: Do you still have Splash Day?

(LAUGHTER)

BUSH: You have to be a baby boomer to know what I'm talking about.

(LAUGHTER)

BUSH: I'm not saying whether I came or not on Splash Day. I'm just saying, Do you have Splash Day?

(LAUGHTER)

Bush was unaware "Splash Day" is now a fully gay and lesbian event on the beaches.

The fans at Dolphins Stadium saluted Pedro Martínez on Thursday night as if they were all from New York. Given the locale, they probably were.

For Martínez to pitch in front of every single native New Yorker this season, which sometimes seems like the Mets' marketing plan, his first start at home had to be followed by his first start in South Florida, New York's vacation home.

In his latest demonstration of dominance, Martínez traded velocity for control, going through one stretch in which he threw 18 consecutive strikes and another in which he retired 13 straight batters. The Marlins were so overmatched that Lenny Harris actually bunted for a single with Florida down by nine runs in the seventh inning, then laughed all the way to first base.

Martínez has become the undisputed attraction no matter where the Mets go. As he left a 10-1 victory over the Florida Marlins on Thursday, a crowd of 27,674 that had supposedly come to root for the home team chanted "Pe-dro, Pe-dro." While Martínez pointed to the sky, the transplanted Mets fans in South Florida gave thanks for the ace they have long been waiting to see.

The Dominican Day Parade down Broadway is going to be off the chain this year. They may march Pedro straight down to Santo Domingo and crown him King.

"Space Tourism Industry to Run 'Like Fast-Food Franchises'", reads a headline from today's New Scientist. I don't even care to read the rest of the article, the headline is enough to satisfy my sci-fi-curiosity.



Whenever I read something like this or am informed that the US Defense Department is developing an army of robotic soldiers, I feel as if I fell asleep and woke up in a Phillip K. Dick short story.

From CNN/AP:

Three MIT graduate students set out to show what kind of gobbledygook can pass muster at an academic conference these days, writing a computer program that generates fake, nonsensical papers. And sure enough, a Florida conference took the bait.

The program, developed by students Jeremy Stribling, Max Krohn and Dan Aguayo, generated a paper with the dumbfounding title: "Rooter: A Methodology for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy." Its introduction begins: "Many scholars would agree that, had it not been for active networks, the simulation of Lamport clocks might never have occurred."

The program works like the old "Mad Libs" books, generating sentences taken from real papers but leaving many words blank. It fills the blanks with random buzzwords common in computer science. And it adds to the verisimilitude with meaningless charts and graphs.

Earlier this month, the students received word that the Ninth World Multi-Conference on Systemics, Cybernetics and Informatics, scheduled to take place in July in Orlando, Florida, had accepted the four-page "Rooter" paper. A second bogus submission -- "The Influence of Probabilistic Methodologies on Networking" -- was rejected.

The offer accepting a paper and inviting the students to present it in person in Orlando was rescinded after word of the hoax got out, and the students were refunded the $390 fee to attend the conference and have the paper published in its proceedings.

But they still hope to go, using the more than $2,000 raised in contributions to their prank, much of it from admirers who tested the program on the students' Web site.

"We wanted to go down there and give a randomly generated talk," Stribling said.

Needless to say, we must do everything possible to ensure that these guys go to Orlando and speak at this conference. According to their website, "The inevitable has come to pass. WMSCI refunded our registration fee, and rescinded their invitation to speak at the conference. As you can imagine, we are heartbroken. And still determined to go the conference."

"So, what can I do?" you may be asking. In their own words:

"Anyone reading this who has had a paper accepted to WMSCI 2005, please contact us immediately. We would like the chance to give your talk at the conference, and we will pay your registration fee in return. Obviously, secrecy is essential. So, again, if you or anyone you know has a paper at WMSCI 2005, contact us immediately."

Some of our friends here at NYU have gotten in on the fun, as well, submitting this paper to WMSCI 2005. Follow the link for the PDF file. My personal favorite is the diagram at the top of page 3.

On a business trip in Michigan.

I arrived in a non-descript economically-depressed mall at 8:00am, two hours before the mall's stores opened for business. I walked into the mall's main hallway. Sleepy, not enough caffeine in my system. The lights were still dimmed. My eyes adjusted to the lack of lighting. I noticed that I was not alone in the concourse, not by a long shot. I heard nylon running suits swishing, swooshing together. Pedestrians were power-walking around the mall’s interior. Retirees, a whole flock of them, were getting their morning exercise by traversing the mall's perimeter. Power walkers, arms swinging, and they meant business.



It had all the makings of some post-apocalyptic horror sci-fi movie nuclear winter. It was like the end of the world as I knew it and all that had survived was geriatrics and Rockports.



Apparently this is not an activity confined to Frenchtown, Michigan. Mall Walking has a national following.





Rejuvenate Yourself - Try Mallwalking Want to shake off the blahs and get in shape? GRab a friend or significant other and try Mallwalking! Mall doors opena t 8:00am Monday-Saturday, and 11:00am Sunday, for your climate controlled walking comfort. Once around the interior perimeter (excluding the food court) is 1/2 mile. If you wish to join the formal Mallwalkers, stop by and register with Senior Friends in the Belk Concouorse. Get out and start Mallwalking!

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who served as JohnPaul II's hard-line defender of church doctrine, was elected pope today, taking the name Benedict XVI.

They amass thousands in debt to attend law school. They study under some of the greatest legal minds in the profession. They are given every opportunity to ponder, deliberate, discuss and debate the finer legal points and controversies of our era at one of the country's top law schools. And yet, NYU Law's ultra-liberal students still have nothing to say.

Here's the story. I came across it because a few years back I happened to join some kind of email-forum for international law students that every once in a while alerted you to when speakers would come to NYU to give talks. But lately I noticed a flurry of emails from NYU law students on the list-serve who were apparently shocked - shocked! - that NYU was planning to honor Justice Scalia at an event put on by one the school's law journals.

Opening up a few of these emails, I came across some of the most outrageously arrogant comments I have ever read. Some amusing comparisons to Martin Luther King were among them. "At the risk of sounding immodest," one student said in a circulated letter, "it is an honor to be on the receiving end of criticism that sadly is reminiscent of the "Statement by Alabama Clergymen" to Martin Luther King."

Ah history, tragically bound to repeat itself!

One student actually suggested that NYU should be honoring "progressive" activists like themselves - not some conservative judge!

It does make some degree of sense - after all, they are law students with a great deal of experience in organizing loud protests to outrages things like U.S. Navy recruitment at NYU. And Scalia - a U.S. Supreme Court Justice who may become the next Chief Justice - seriously, what piddling accomplishments has he made in the legal world??

So what are angry liberal activists to do in a situation like this? What else - protest party! Complete with signs, slogans, and an after-protest reception with drinks and snacks, a vertible NYU army of activists combined from the ranks of OUTLaw, an organization of LGBT law students, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, the NYU Black Allied Law Students Association and the NYC Chapter of the National Organization of Women descended on Washington Square Park. (You can read about it for yourself in the WSN).

NYU, stalwart progressive institution that is, of course tried to accomodate these protesters. The Deans attempted to negotiate with the students beforehand to ensure simply that, all other protest-partying aside, the students at least remain quiet enough to allow the S-Court Justice to speak during the planned Q and A session. The Dean's even went out of their way to invite Anti-Scalia students to adress Scalia with their own questions at this time.

But when one NYU law student stepped up to the microphone with the opportunity to question the Scalia about his conservative stances - to frame an intelligent discussion on the topic so that intellectual debate could ensue and the deeper legal truths could be unearthed - what did he ask?

"Do you sodomize your wife?"

We may never know the answer to these and other intelligent "progressive" inquiries from our country's top law students, since - contrary to the struck agreement - NYU protesters were so overwhelmed by their deep emotional need for inclusiveness, understanding and truth that they drowned out Scalia with chants and slogans over the course of the Q and A:

The protesters' voices began to give out as they continued their chants the entire length of the ceremony. When word spread that the ceremony was finished, the group quickly moved around the back of the law school building to confront Scalia as he left the building. Students stood behind a police barricade, chanting and waving signs, as Scalia exited Vanderbilt Hall and was ushered into a reception in D'Agostino Hall across the street.

Progressive Law School though NYU may be, it should be noted that apparently some students were none too pleased to see this go down on their campus.

"We are an institution of learning," Law Republicans President Clark Wohlferd said. "The idea is to challenge each other and debate. A big protest threatens to take that away, cutting off dialogue instead of engaging in dialogue."

Dialogue? Debate? Learning??

But we made tee-shirts!

Apr 18, 2005

CHICAGO (CBS 2) Some are calling it a miracle, others remain skeptical. An image of the Blessed Virgin Mary has appeared -- of all places -- on the Kennedy expressway. It's along the wall of the underpass at Fullerton. As CBS 2's Susan Carlson reports, hundreds of people have been inspired to take a closer look.



At first glance it's just a stain on a wall from water and road salt, but some say it's much more.

“It's definitely a message to the world that the Blessed Mother is real,” believer Joanne Vrablik says.

Many are saying it is the Blessed Virgin Mary, her head slightly bowed, her hands together in prayer, holding what appears to be a rosary. The image becomes clearer when viewed through the lens of a digital camera.




“I'm a breast cancer survivor and she really healed me,” Vrablik says. “And I believe so strongly in this. She's reaching out to people.”

A constant stream of believers has flocked to the underpass to check out the image. Some are moved to kiss it. Others stand in prayerful reverence. It's turned into a shrine of sorts, with candles and flowers.

The sight has become such an inspiration, State and Chicago police are on hand to ensure traffic control. Earlier in the day, crews were ready to paint over the image, but Mary's become so popular they had to back down. IDOT officials say for now they have no plans to remove it.

“People who have questions, just believe and that's what this is all about,” Joanne Vrablik says.

In recent months, images of the Virgin Mary have supposedly popped up on everything from driftwood to a grilled cheese sandwich. Unlike those cases, no one is trying to sell this image on eBay. By the way, the Catholic Church remains very cautious when it comes to approving any religious apparitions.

After starting out 0-5, the Mets have reeled off 6 wins in a row. Saturday they came from behind in the bottom of the 9th to win 4-3, in front of a sold out crowd of over 55,000 fans at Shea.



You Gotta Believe.

Nelson De La Rosa certainly does.

I read Don DeLillo's epic novel, Underworld this past October. The novel, while fiction, basically serves as an almanac of American History during the Cold War. It covers everything from Bobby Thompson's Shot Heard Round the World Home Run in 1951, to Lenny Bruce performing standup comedy about The Cuban Missile Crisis, to the AIDS epidemic.

One story within this story concerns a young NYC graffiti artist, Ismael Muñoz, who in the early 1980s is sought out by Manhattan's artworld luminaries. The Ismael character is based on the real life graffiti artist turned bonafide artist, Jean Michel Basquiat. Basqiat is currently being featured in a retrospective at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. The exhibit runs through June 5. I'm definitely planning on checking it out with my boo.



Jean Michel Basquiat first gained notoriety as a teenage graffiti poet and musician. By 1981, at the age of twenty, he had turned from spraying graffiti on the walls of buildings in Lower Manhattan to selling paintings in SoHo galleries, rapidly becoming one of the most accomplished artists of his generation. Astute collectors began buying his art, and his gallery shows sold out. Critics noted the originality of his work, its emotional depth, unique iconography, and formal strengths in color, composition, and drawing. By 1985, he was featured on the cover of The New York Times Magazine as the epitome of the hot, young artist in a booming market. Tragically, Basquiat began using heroin and died of a drug overdose when he was just twenty-seven years old.

During a 1977 World Series Game, South Bronx residents set fire to the neighborhood surrounding Yankees Stadium. As a camera panned out over the stadium, Howard Cosell famously intoned, ''There it is, ladies and gentlemen, the Bronx is burning.''


On Tuesday Milan fans stole a page from the Boogie Down Bronx, and tried to burn down their own stadium.



4/12/2005

MILAN, Italy (AP) - Inter Milan faces possible expulsion from the Champions League following the crowd violence that forced the quarter-final against AC Milan on Wednesday to be abandoned.

The crowd, angered when a goal was disallowed by German referee Markus Merk during the second half, threw plastic bottles and flares onto the pitch.

One flare struck AC Milan goalkeeper Nelson Dida in the shoulder, leaving him with bruising and a slight burn.



UEFA's disciplinary body will meet on Saturday to discuss what actions should be taken following the match.

"The disciplinary body have the full range of sanctions at their disposal," UEFA spokesman William Gaillard said. "There have been shocking incidents recently but this is the worst."

"We must make sure it doesn't happen again," he said.

The governing body will also discuss whether the full match should be replayed or just the last 17 minutes. It may otherwise decide to simply award the win to AC Milan, which had a 3-0 aggregate lead at the time the game was abandoned.

AP: Senators May Have Blown Cover of CIA Agent

This is the guy who called Condi Rice incompetent?

Look John: there's a Chinatown bus leaving D.C. for Boston every hour - I say get Heinz to buy you a ticket and call it a career.

The Sunday Time's Travel section features an article extolling the virtues of Vietnamese Cuisine. The Saint and I visited many of the cities and ate at some of the same markets and food stalls that Taylor Holliday mentions in the piece.

Holliday suggests that you save the package tours for another country and instead explore Vietnamese cuisine by getting your hands dirty and keeping your ear to the street. She writes, “Some people prefer to earn their food epiphanies the hard way, knowing that great pho tastes even better with the added thrill of finding it yourself.”

I couldn’t agree more. So I was surprised when I saw that Holliday failed to include Hanoi’s 1km Dog Street, featuring vendors who serve nothing but canine cuisine, on her tasting tour. You can't get more authentic than eating a dog.



Another can't miss stop while traveling up the countryside is a junket to Hoi An for some rice vodka. I negotiated the price of the fermented rice liquor down under $1.



I felt as if I had done some top-notch bargaining, until I opened the bottle and realized that Vietnamese Rice Vodka tastes something like formaldehyde. You live and you learn, but that's all part of the excitement!!!

Holliday was pretty high on Nha Trang's fishing villages. She had some crab and rice cakes that she enjoyed. I had a slightly different experience. A woman in the fish market tried to give me a "very cheap, low price" lobster for only 720,000 Dong, which is a lot of Dong, about $50 dollars worth.



The woman, dejected, after I told her that her price was preposterous and I would not pay.

Holliday's trip did unearth this gem of wisdom.

There we met up with Ms. Vy, as she calls herself, a third-generation restaurateur describes the importance of rice, she said, "The wife is rice, and the girlfriend is noodle soup, so the wife must feed her husband rice three times a day so he doesn't go out for noodles."

Ladies take note. Ms. Vy is dropping some serious knowledge. Keep your man happy or he will get out looking for noodles.

I watched Man on Fire last night. Despite being a bit too long, it was a solid movie. It starred Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken (The Bluff's actor of choice), Mickey Rourke, and Marc Anthony. If you haven't scene the movie I know what you're saying... Huh?



I was shocked too, and even more shocked when I realized Marc Anthony was not god awful, in fact his acting was pretty good.

Marc Anthony plays Dakota Fanning's father. He is a captian of industry south of the border, and hires Denzel as a bodyguard to protect his wife and daughter from being kidnapped.

Jennifer Lopez is probably more adept at acting (Gigli not withstanding) than she is at singing, so maybe she gave her husband a few pointers.

Hoi An, Vietnam

[Gotim]

MILWAUKEE - A new Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been crowned after pageant leaders stripped the original winner of the title when she appeared in a newspaper photograph standing up.

The announcement of the new winner Tuesday came amid a storm of protest over pageant officials' decision last week to take the crown away from Janeal Lee, a high school teacher and muscular dystrophy sufferer who uses a scooter as her main way to get around but says she can walk up to 50 feet on a good day and stand while teaching.

During the furor, the runner-up refused to accept the crown out of protest. Lee's sister, who also has muscular dystrophy and was named Ms. Wheelchair Minnesota, dropped out of the competition in that state. And the coordinator for the organization's Minnesota program stepped down from her job to "stand up for Janeal Lee." (Yikes! Poor wording by the coordinator.)

[Full story @ Yahoo News]



Janeal Lee is shown wearing her Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin sash before the title was taken away by pageant officials.



Kim Jerman laughs as she wears the Ms. Wheelchair of Wisconsin sash at work in Waukesha, Wis., Wednesday, April 6, 2005.

A great story. Full of both drama and comedy. I laughed, I cried, and then I realized it sounded vaguely familiar. This Wheelchair fiasco calls to mind the Seinfeld episode where George pretends to be handicapped in order to gain access to a private handicapped bathroom at the playground equipment company he is working for. His employer then purchases George a motorized Rascal (is there any other kind of Rascal, I mean come on?).



George's cover is blown when he stands up and gets out of his Rascal to yell at a fellow disabled scooter driver.

Well, it's almost the same as the Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin scandal.

Keeping alive the spirit of Cardiff Giant's Pointless (Pseudo) Celebrity News-

There's been an Al Trautwig sighting!!!

Yes, Al Trautwig, the MSG Network's go-to man for sideline reporting was just spotted at Kitchen Kabaret, a high-end Deli in Roslyn, New York. Mr. Trautwig was seen eating some avocado sushi rolls sans chopsticks.



Mr. Trautwig clocks most of his time performing interviews in the crowd at NY Knicks games. However, he is not your average Bonnie Bernstein. The Knicks, despite their alarming ineptitude, manage to fill their court-side seats with some high-grade celebrities. Al scours the crowd for such luminaries, and (as Arnold would say) asks them a bunch questions, and wants them answered immediately!!! His CV includes interviews with Donald Trump, Puff Daddy, Paris Hilton, and Billiken's favorite politician, Al Sharpton.

Al Trautwig wears a number of hats. When he is not working Knicks' games, he provides commentary at international gymnastic competitions, Olympic figure-skating events, and everybody's favorite MSG happening- The Westminster Dog Show.



Back to the parking lot. Al had the top up on his CLK Mercedes up, despite the lovely weather (70 and sunny). After peering in the window, it became clear that Mr. Trautwig had decided not to drop the top on his convertible so that he would be able to maintain a low-profile as he mowed down his maki rolls faster than a NY minute.

Mr. Trautwig declined to be interviewed by The Bluff for this piece.

The NBA all-ogre squad put together by Jesse Lamovsky over at ThePhatThree.com

Here is a sampling for all of you who are too lazy to click on the link.

Popeye Jones



Postion: Forward
College: Murray State '92
NBA: 1993 - 2004
Teams: Dallas, Toronto, Boston, Denver, Washington, Golden State

Ugliness Rating: 9.9

Now, I understand that between the ears, Popeye Jones is probably more or less of normal intelligence. To the best of my knowledge, he functions normally in society; can write a check, drive a car, change his own clothes, that kind of thing. But I see this picture, and quite frankly, it's hard to believe he isn't somehow mentally impaired in some way. It's unkind to say, but it's true. The poor guy- not poor, actually, just ugly- guy just has so much shape to his head. He looks kind of like a Slow Mutant from Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series.


Jake Tsakalidis



Position: Center
College: N/A Greece '00
NBA: 2000 - Present
Teams: Phoenix, Memphis

Ugliness Rating: 9.5

In certain parts of Eastern Europe, Jake Tsakalidis is an absolute stud. A zillion drachmas says he's the Rick Derris of Thessaloniki. Put him in a full-length leather coat, throw some gold chains around his neck, and Tsakalidis is capable of bedding a very large chunk of the available woman in the former Soviet Bloc, not because he's rich and has access to vodka, cigarettes and bread, but because the Ivankas and Svetlanas over there think he's plan old 'hot'. No proof of this; just a feeling. The teeth probably don't hurt him either.

[Gotim]

If today's fantabulous weather hasn't alerted you to the long-awaited arrival of spring, perhaps the soothing, melodious sounds of an angry schizophrenic with headphones shouting unintelligible insults at the top of lungs and laughing maniacally at passers-by will make you stop and say, ahhh spring.

Yes, its the triumphant return of Angry Black, the charming and loveable mascot of Union Square! He's been holed up in his apartment all winter listening to his headphones and the voices in his head, thinking up new insults to yell at the people who walk by him. His black-and-white plaid denim shirt pressed and buttoned, beard neatly trimmed, and - of course - unconnected head phones tightly around his ears, AB is ready to try to wake up the 'hood and scare people away from the Unions Square area for another summer!



Welcome back my man!

The perfect combination of form and content like the new 7-Series BMW.

[Billiken sends this one out to Rico.]

[Gotim]

My overseas correspondent visited the War Cabinet Museum in London. The Museum showcases the space where Winston Churchill and his cabinet ran operations while Germany bombed the city of London during WWII. Among the gems of information that she found buried in the bunkers; the British haughtily, flippantly, causally, caustically referred to the V-Bombs that Germany blitzkrieged London with as "doodlebugs". How emasculating is that?

Imagine you are a soldier in the German army in the midst of trying to wipe out England. A General asks you if London has been destroyed, if Germany has broken the will of the English people. And you report back that no London is still standing, and in fact, the British in London are referring to our Vergeltung Bombs as doodlebugs.

A little history from the BBC:

The first ten V-1s were launched on London on 12 June 1944, and six days later 121 people were killed by a direct hit on the Guard's Chapel at Wellington Barracks. At the end of the month some 100 'doodlebugs' - as Londoners called them - were being directed at the capital every day.



I have no idea really how something as menacing sounding as the V-weapon, The Vergeltung Bomb, i.e. Retribution, came to be known in London as the doodlebug. Maybe it’s something along the lines of Russel Crowe’s quote from Gladiator:

"Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."

Or refer to death as a doodlebug.